That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
