Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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