she woke up with a sticky ear
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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