i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
