I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
