Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
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There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
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I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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