she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
