the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
