Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
