i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
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