I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
