lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
