remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
