She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
