I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
