I want to stick my p in your. b.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
