there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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