My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
