so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
