I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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