So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
