Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
