I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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