Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
