you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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