I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
