no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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