he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Randomize
