dude i'm inner monologue high
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
