Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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