he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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