You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
