I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
