I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
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