I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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