I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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