Come see our sink grown plant.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
