You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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