i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
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