I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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