it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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