Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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