someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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