And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
