alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
