He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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