laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
