you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Randomize
