Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
