I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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