the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
