dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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