well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
