I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
