I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
