You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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