I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
