Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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