I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Be still, my beating vagina.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
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