dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
4 words: hood of his car
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
