I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
