so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
