dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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