I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
