1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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