I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
