one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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