I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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