I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
