I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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