Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
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I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
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I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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