Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
