I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
