Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
