I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
