Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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