and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
someone owes me an orgasm
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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