i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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