Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
