My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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