I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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