Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
