I must be too annoying 4 u.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Randomize
