he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
ugly people sure do ruin things
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
