it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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