I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I cut my penus on the lid.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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