I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
