Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
