I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
