he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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