dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
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Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
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Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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