honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
