Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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