I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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