why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
