Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Damn victory sex feels great
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
